Sacred Marriage and the DOMA Ruling

As expected, my Facebook feed has lit up with clever statements from supporters of both sides of the Supreme Court case concerning the federal Defense of Marriage Act.  Religious and cultural leaders have spoken their two cents on the issues as well.  I have been kicking around the thought of writing a blog about marriage while addressing the topic of homosexuality.  With today’s Supreme Court decision, I suppose I might as well bring my thoughts to the discussion.

Depending on which side of the debate you sympathize with, most quotes about the court ruling hurled from the ‘other camp’ either consider you a backwards bigot or a partner with evil, destroying the very fabric of this great nation.  However intended, these clever lines and memes serve only to boost the morale of the agreeing mob by identifying those who disagree as the enemy to be conquered.  I suggest there’s a better way to approach this issue.

As Christians, we must direct our attentions first to what God intends with marriage.  When we look at the sweep of what God is up to in the world, we find He’s all about creating a people who bear His image and work as His partners in reigning over creation.  Surely the first covenant God gives us coincides with His big mission.  When we look at the Bible’s first marriage, we see God charge Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth” (Genesis 1:28 ESV).  God gave Adam and Eve to each other as help to fulfill this charge.  This charge extends to us also as certainly Adam and Eve did not themselves completely fulfill it.  In light of this godly charge, I submit that the main purpose of marriage is to create an environment conducive to Christian growth and maturity.

I think there are two ways I see that marriage should be conducive to growth and maturity in the faith.  The first is described very well by Gary Thomas in his excellent book Sacred Marriage.  Gary is emphatic that “God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy.”  Through the lives of two people becoming intertwined for life, character flaws will be revealed.  A good marriage is one where these character flaws are worked out in love, respect, and service toward one another.  Through all this, we become more Christ-like.

The second way our marriage should be conducive to growth and maturity in the faith is through being the gospel to our families and neighbors.  The most obvious is creating a home environment where our kids grow up in the faith from an early age and are well equipped spiritually to make their way when they leave.  Perhaps less obvious is the influence married couples can have on their neighbors in the community.  I think of a couple in particular who has made themselves and their home a place of refuge for many who have fallen on hard times or just need an encouraging word.  I hope you can think of a married couple you know like this.

So, to finally bring this post back to the homosexuality debate…I state my belief that heterosexual (not homosexual) marriages are God’s intention.  If marriage is to expose character flaws, what better way than to put two people together who are wired totally differently?  Culture seems to try to blur the distinctions between male and female, but I think a healthier way of looking at gender is to see that God placed an emphasis of certain attributes of His in males and an emphasis of other attributes in females.  This doesn’t make one gender better than the other, but rather one complements the other to demonstrate a more complete picture of God’s nature.  In joining with someone of the opposite gender in marriage, we allow ourselves to be sharpened in ways that I would believe impossible in a homosexual marriage.

If this is what Christian marriage should look like, we need to take a step back to see if marriage lives up to this in our church.  I don’t mean the worldwide body of believers, but your local congregation that meets every Sunday.  I’m guessing that for most of you, sitting in your church’s pews are many folks struggling in their marriage or even lamenting a failed marriage.  As American Christians, we don’t have particularly great statistics on marriage success, with divorce rates of Christians basically identical to the national average.  I hope your church is an exception to this norm, but I’m guessing it’s not.

You’re probably figured out by now that I’m not trying to lay an airtight case against society adopting homosexual marriage here.  My response to today’s court decision is no surprise.  I mean that literally…I’m not surprised.  Overall, our representation of marriage is not all that compelling.  Why wouldn’t others in society try something different?

Is the Christian response to the growth of homosexual marriage acceptance in the U.S. to continue throwing grenades over the wall at our homosexual neighbors and those who support their legal right to live this way?  By no means!  In doing this we are far from showing Christ’s love to our neighbors.

Christianity should look more like inviting homosexuals to dine at a shared table than a dizzying barrage of insults.  The best response I have to the growth of homosexual marriage in the U.S. is to work to cultivate good Christian marriages.  Think back to the couple I mentioned earlier who open their lives and their home to serve those around them.  Think of a couple you know like this.  What if this is what every Christian marriage looked like?  That would certainly make Christian marriage a compelling alternate lifestyle.

We Christians need to quit viewing homosexuals as the enemy of marriage and start focusing instead at whatever underlying issues drive Christian couples apart.  Instead of being worked up about the DOMA ruling, get worked up about what’s tearing marriages apart in your church.  Invest in your marriage so you’ll be able to weather whatever is around the bend waiting to tear yours apart.

The greatest thing you can do to defend the institution of marriage is to be a good husband or wife.  The second greatest thing you can do is to help other married couples grow a sacred marriage.

St. Francis and the Prosperity Gospel

I recently finished a biography on St. Francis of Assisi.  I’ve of course known of St. Francis for some time and even visited his hometown, but I hadn’t really explored his life.  Since finishing this book, I’ve been thinking about what to make of his life.  Certainly his love of God and fellow man is a great example to emulate.  I was encouraged that his response to the Crusades was to work as a peacemaker rather than follow in the brutality waged against the Muslim people.  I’m a bit saddened by his lack of emphasis on theology and learning.  Of course the most radical element in St. Francis’s life was his extreme vow of poverty for himself and for those who would join his order.  I assuredly stand in good company in saying his commitment to poverty is perhaps the most fascinating and challenging markers of his life.

After living a life of wealth and pleasure, St. Francis used his vow of poverty as a chisel to carve himself into a man of deep humility and love of God and fellow mankind.  His humility and love made him an iconic figure in Christian history.  I find it astounding that this man, pursuing no wealth or prestige, is so well known and respected eight centuries later.  This saint who had to beg the pope to permit his order’s existence is now a key inspiration for the present pope’s ministry.

More recently, there has been a focus of teaching that God’s will is for us to be happy, healthy, and wealthy.  I’m sure you’ve heard certain preachers proclaiming this ‘prosperity gospel.’  Of course, many bible stories and passages are used to support this message.  I agree that the Bible teaches us that God is our provider and tells of His immeasurable blessings.  Solomon reigned over one of the richest nations of his time.  Matthew 7:7 tells us, “Ask, and it will be given to you.”  However, the thought process can ultimately lead toward a belief that God desires his followers to live in the largest houses, drive the fanciest cars, and have the most fun.  This, of course, is all to reveal our His glory to those around us.

So, here we have two polar opposite views of God’s desire for us.  What is the right understanding of how God desires us to interact with money and possessions?  I recently stumbled on a song by Shai Linne that you should check out here.  I think you’ll be able to pick up his thoughts of the second view.  It’s a bold song where the line “If you’re living your best life now, you’re headed to hell” is hardly noteworthy as a controversial statement.  Shai Linne ultimately reminds us, “if you come to Jesus for money, then He’s not your God—money is.”

On the other hand, I don’t see that scripture urges us to live a life of complete poverty in the pattern of St. Francis.  I view St. Francis as a type of prophet whose life was a kind of prophesy, calling us to examination and repentance.  I suppose that the best understanding of how to pursue and handle riches lies somewhere between these two extremes.

I suppose our money goes generally to three purposes: ensuring financial security (preparing for the ‘what if’), making our lives more enjoyable (through experiencing creation and making life comfortable), and helping others.  I can make strong arguments for the necessity and goodness of investing in each of these.  I am challenged by St. Francis's example and do wrestle with how I invest my money.  I’d love to hear your thoughts on:

1. What’s your guide in balancing investing in financial security against putting faith in God’s provision?
2. How do you gauge if you’re investing too much in making life fun and comfortable rather than being selfless and putting others’ needs ahead of yourself?
3. How do you determine what to invest in missions or charity?